A Letter to Parents

God has placed upon my heart to share with each of you something, as a parent, I think is important to share. Each year I send out a letter which establishes guidelines of communication; however, it does not address many aspects of how I view the parent / coach relationship.  I would like to share this with you now and share this in the future with all parents who play on teams I coach.

What is my role as a coach?

I am to be a guide and to do my best to set a positive example.  It is never my role to parent. God has called you to parent your child.  My first commitment is to the Tribe organization to model sportsmanship, good character and run the program with integrity. My second is to serve you and your family.  But let me unpack this for you.

It is not my job to judge your athlete on anything other than the time they spend with me on the court or field.  Through the years I have had athletes with an assortment of bad personal decisions off the field. I have coached athletes off the field who are bullies, drug addicts, criminals, etc. Not for one moment did the struggles they were facing off the field impact my decision of how they would be treated by me.

A few years ago, a player who had many struggles came up to me at a homecoming game and thanked me for being the only place he could find comfort.  This young man was struggling with drug addiction, home abuse and criminal entanglements while playing for us.  He stated that the three hours he was at Tribe each day was the only time he felt he was in the presence of folks who accepted him for who he was and were willing to not judge him.

God calls me to come alongside parents when mentoring their athletes.  It will never be my role to judge them or their character. I will love them to the best of my ability.  

How do we hold players accountable?

We have a system of accountability which puts the team first.  When a player is out of line, we condition as a team. When players are not meeting the standard I remind them this is their team and if they do not care to correct the problems then far be it from me to interfere. My role is to simply shine the light on the issues.  We use devotions and team meetings as our tools of encouragement.  If a player is not coming to practice, giving 100% at practice or failing the team in other ways then it is incumbent upon the team to step up and rectify the situation.

As a parent, you can pull your athlete for any reason and there will be no on the field or court consequences. If they are able to meet the standards set to be a starter and play then they will participate.  Players are encouraged to make all practices but I let them know it will only affect their playing time if another player can outperform them on the field or court.  

Showing up to work and standing by the water cooler does not mean you can get the job done.  Our coaching staff evaluates talent and sportsmanship, not participation.  We do not buy into the participation trophy mentality.  

Part of sportsmanship if being present for your teammates. If a player decides not to be present then they risk losing the respect of their teammates. The same will be true of the player who makes every practice and does not give 100%.  Our athletes know who is or is not meeting the standard better than I do as a coach.

Finally, the players hold themselves accountable.  They choose their leaders (not the coaches), they are coached to call their own plays, request who will be on the field / court, implement and execute the game plan, etc.  As coaches, we are there to fill in the gaps. The best teams are the ones where the coaches handle the least amount of responsibility.

Who plays?

We play the best athletes that are prepared.  I tell our players all the time that you don't get to start simply because another player has missed practice all week.  I have had athletes miss practice and games for family reunions, vacations, school / church activities, work, etc.  We are teaching personal responsibility.  I would prefer an athlete spend six months in the offseason perfecting his/her skills and miss some practices than an athlete who has done nothing in the offseason and makes every practice.  Which is better for their team?

We have a standard to play varsity sports.  That standard does not drop to the player's level.  The player is expected to meet the standard.  We recognize each athlete has been afforded different levels of skill and some will progress faster than others.  I tell our athletes all the time your 100% has to beat another player's 50% or you will not play.

Finally, your athlete is not guaranteed a right to start or play based upon their age.  I tell our older players they have to be better than the younger players.  If you are not, then they will be splitting reps or might find yourself behind them on the depth chart because they have more time in the program.  The same is true in life.

Fairness

I strive to be seen as a tough but fair coach.  I tell my own children they will need to be better than their peers if they are going to start because there can never be any doubt that they are starting because their father is the coach.  This may appear as an "unfair" burden but it is the reality of the situation.  

In all my years of coaching, I have never heard from any parent that they were upset with the playing time of their athlete.  I do my best to set clear expectations as to what it takes to play on our teams.  

On more than one occasion, I have had to let a returning starter know they would be replaced.  One time I had to inform the league's leading rusher and All-Star from the previous year that he would have to move to a different position if he wanted to start in the upcoming year. 

For me, fairness is based in sportsmanship and meritocracy. An athlete's past achievements are simply their past achievements.  However, if I do replace a player, I am confident all of their peers would understand it was grounded in these two principles and no other standard.

Greatest Weakness.

I have been called out on several occasions through the years for being verbally harsh on players.  This has never been the case with the women that I have coached but has been the case with young men.  

I do my best to counter every criticism with a word of encouragement.  I recognize that being overly critical motivates some players and tears down others.  I do my best to ascertain which players respond best to the differing levels of critique.  Through the years I have become better but I still have a ways to go.

Spiritual warfare

I did not get into coaching to serve the Lord.  I did it to serve my own ego.  It was about me and my ability to use players as a chessboard for my own gratification.  I was full of hubris and saw the team as a reflection of myself.  So, if they were not good it was a reflection of my poor coaching.

Through my faith walk I have learned coaching needs to be about God.  Do our players see me as a man of faith? Do they see me exemplifying what I say in our team devotions?  Do I own the mistakes I make and let them see my failings as a leader? 

We are surrounded by the enemy and He is working on the hearts of our young men and women.  For me, coaching is not just about life lessons but even more so about spiritual life lessons.  There is nothing new under the sun and God's word is the truth and a relationship with him is what I pray each of our player's will turn to (if not now, then in the future).

Conclusion

You are the parents and I am the coach. The players are the leaders of the team (not the coaches).  I am here to support you and them.  If you need to pull your child from our program for any period of time then I will support your decision.  If you tell me an athlete can't play then I will never ask the reason.  If you have given them a green light to return then we will welcome them back and there will be no on the field / court consequences as a result of your parental action.

I know the role of coach is an honor.  Good coaches can build up a young man or woman or their actions can tear them down.  I take this role very seriously.  I have learned more from watching how bad coaches operate than I have from imitating good coaches.   My prayer is that my failures as a coach do the least amount of harm. I desire to be a light and not an example of how not to coach.  

Thank you again for entrusting your sons and daughters to me to coach. I pray they grow within our program mentally, physically and spiritually. 

God Bless